Having another person control your pleasure is central here, and it can involve props such as handcuffs, ropes, blindfolds, or a range of restraints.ĭiscipline is the practice of training a “submissive” to obey, follow rules, or perform certain acts. Bondage is a form of sex play that focuses on restraint. Bondage and discipline: The BD in BDSM stands for bondage and discipline.Richmond recommends reading up on BDSM, taking a class to learn about moves and scenarios you can play out with your partner(s), and bringing in a sex therapist if need be, so you can figure out what your version of the practice looks like.īut to get a better grasp on what each of three categories mean, here’s a quick primer, from Richmond: What is BDSM?īesides oftentimes being inaccurate, the portrayals of BDSM you’ve seen in film or porn are probably not going to work for you (they tend to be a tad.extreme). “Don’t assume that you can dive in head-first and re-enact a scene from a film or erotic novel without preparation, education, or experience.”Īhead, find everything you need to know if you’re thinking about trying your hand at BDSM so that the sexual encounter will leave you pleasured and empowered. “Because BDSM can include activities that are new, intimidating, and risky, you need to proceed with care and caution,” she says. What's A Forced Orgasm In BDSM? Experts ExplainĪlso, keep in mind that BDSM can take a little prep work, says Jess O’Reilly, PhD, sexologist and host of the Podcast.Instead, as a beginner, you'll want to take things slowly until you figure out what BDSM looks like for you and your partner(s), since someone else's methods won't necessarily get you going.

And though the practice typically does involve props, they don't make an appearance right off the bat. If you’re a BDSM beginner, it can be tough to imagine BDSM as anything but a Red Room (thanks, Fifty Shades) with chains and whips to excite you (à la Rihanna). “You’re able to use your imagination, create a scene, role play, and tap into themes that are interesting, like submission and domination.” “I like to call it ‘power play’ because, to me, that is at the heart of BDSM,” says sex expert Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist, sexuality counselor, and author of She Comes First. Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT is a New York-based psychologist specializing in sex and relationships. Javay Frye-Nekrasova, MEd, is a certified sex educator for Lovehoney and currently working on a PhD in Human Sexuality. Jess O’Reilly, PhD, is a sexologist, host of the Podcast, and author of The New Sex Bible. Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT, is a licensed psychotherapist, sexuality counselor, and the New York Times best-selling author of She Comes First. Holly Richmond, PhD, LMFT, is a somatic psychologist, certified sex therapist, and author of Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide for Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life. Meet the Experts: Gloria Brame, PhD, is a clinical sexologist, sex therapist, and best-selling author of Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission. “It stands for the three basic terms used to refer to this kind of sexuality, which is bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism.”Įach of these might sound scary in their own right, but because they rely on a judgement-free zone where communication about your desires and boundaries come first, BDSM can actually be the safest (and most fun) kind of sex you can have, says Holly Richmond, PhD, LMFT, a somatic psychologist, certified sex therapist, and author of Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide for Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life. “BDSM is an umbrella term that the BDSM community came up with to help us unite as one,” says Gloria Brame, PhD, a clinical sexologist, sex therapist, and best-selling author of Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission. But it's important for beginners to understand that it’s actually none of those things. The sex practice is often accused of being physically or mentally harmful, something that only survivors of abuse embrace, or abnormally kinky. Few things in life are as misunderstood as BDSM.

BDSMKink Experience Limits Checklist